Be still and know that I am God

Psa 46:11 “Be still and know that I am God.”

The lawyers say to hurry and file for divorce. “Do it now and get it finalized before you deploy.” There are so many “damaging” things that could happen if I do not.

1. If the divorce is not final before I deploy, then it will freeze where it is until I get back and it will hang over my head for me to worry about the whole time I am overseas.

2. I know that Sarah wants to move to Vermont. The lawyers say I can get it written into the divorce agreement that she can not move outside of a certain radius of south Carolina until the kids are 18 so that I can be a part of their lives, but if I do not get the divorce finalized before I go, then she can move up there while I am overseas and there is nothing I can ever do about it.

3. They say that if the divorce is not final before I leave, or if we do not have a legal separation, then any debt she accumulates while I am away would be considered our debt and I would be just as responsible for it.

They throw these fears out there and say “hurry, you need to do it now. You need to do it now.” They must see the fears playing out through my eyes because each of them follows their barrage of terror with the words “divorce is a nasty thing.” It is like talking to psycho clowns in a crazy circus who are trying to make me crazy with them. They have crazy eyes and maniacal laughs and they think it is normal. Well, it IS normal. It’s 50% normal in the U.S. I have had many conversations with different attorneys, one of them a family court judge, and they all say the same thing. I know from the actions that Sarah has taken and the comments she has made, that she has received the exact same council from the lawyer she talked to. It is insanity. From a legal perspective, it is what is best for ME legally. But I am not about what is best for me legally. I am about following God’s will. I am about what is best for my family. I am about what God leads me to do, and this is not it. The enemy wants me to think there is a deadline. There is not. It is never too late for the Lord. He is God. I will not file for divorce. I will not take legal action against my wife. I will not wait in anguish without hope. I will wait in Faith with longsuffering. I will not throw my hands up and say I have had enough, I give up. I will wait patiently on the Lord. Even if he does not deliver me, I will follow Him. I will wait now like I have never been able to wait before, because He instills the faith and strength and ability in me every day to trust in Him. I can do it because He is carrying me through this and I know that no matter how this comes out, He will continue to walk with me. There is nothing to be afraid of. “Be still and know that I am God.”

Prayer

My Heavenly Father who loves me without condition. Protector of my soul. Guardian of my spirit. Please help me to remember 1 Cor 13, what love really is, what it means to love and how to do it by following the example you set for me. Help me to remember that you suffered for me and so I must suffer for you. Help me to remember to praise you in my trials for they bring me closer to you, you teach me through them, and by my suffering am I counted worthy to enter heaven. Help me to think on those things you commanded me to think on and to put away any thing that would come between us. Please help me to remember to put on the full armor of God every day, to know what it is and how to use it and to do so. Please open my heart and mind to receive your Word, to understand it, and to apply it always lest I stumble into death. Please help me to not focus on what bothers me now, but to focus on what your will is, to focus on your word, to focus on eternal life, and to remember that you are in control, that you love me beyond my understanding, that you wish the best for me, that you are guilty of no evil, and that you will take care of me either by removing me from the storm or walking through the storm with me. Please help me to remember the many blessings you have given me and always be thankful for them, past, present, and future. Thank you for your unmeasureable love. I want to feel your presence always. I do not ever want to be away from you. I pray for wisdom and thank you in advance for giving it to me. Lord, you know my heart like no one else. You know how much I yearn for you. You know how much I desire you. Please help me to resist this sinful body which I fight against every day. Please help me to not do the things I don’t want to do, and to consistently do the things I do want to, the things that bring me closer to and hold me near you, as near as I can be while on this earth. I long for the day that you return and you will break bread with me and eat. I long for the day that I will have my new body and sin will no longer be a part of my life. I long for the day that I will no longer be separated from you.
Please show me what I lack, that I may ask you for it and that you may teach it to me. Please help me to profit from and use the gifts you gave me to do your work for your glory. Please use me to lead others to you. Please help me to remember to and have the strength and proper motivation to praise you during trials that I go through. Please do not leave me out of trials to become a weak Christian, but send me into trials that I may be counted as one of yours, that you may teach me in them, that I may be drawn toward you and not fall into complacency and comfort. Please help me to seek you daily. I seek after your word as treasure. I thirst for your knowledge and wisdom and loving kindness so that I may live a peaceful, fruitful life that glorifies you. May I be a living sacrifice to you. Help me not to think more highly of myself than I should, but to think soberly. I want to know your will for my life, which is the greatest knowledge and I want to do your will, which is the greatest achievement. I seek earnestly to follow your will. I pray for faith. I fail, but you never fail. I can not make it without you. I can not teach my kids without you. I can not be a Godly husband without you. I can not function in day to day life without you, for the troubles of this world would surely weigh down my soul and bring me crashing to my knees and through the floor into desolation. Please help me to find new habits that turn toward you instead of away from you when I am aching inside with pain such as this that I have now.